Listen, I'll be honest with you: I smoke a lot, I swear a lot, and I don't give a shit about what your hopes and dreams are. I'm looking for a smart, sexy, funny guy who can teach me some C++, and let me drive his Porsche. I'll be a really bad influence on you, and if we go out longer than four months, I'll totally ruin your life. So let's just have fun while it lasts. And don't have a dog.

Oh no, no one will think you're a creepy little perv for this.